The Stephanine Chronicles, Book 1: Post I:
Eric: Lord, I believe I have figured out why I was kicked out of Saint Bruno Catholic Church.
Jesus: What is your theory, Eric?
Eric: Saint Bruno Catholic Church has been taken over by vampires. And that meant Eric had to go. For if Eric stayed there, they would be destroyed or exposed by Eric.
Jesus: So are you suggesting that the vampires of Saint Gregory the Great have migrated to Saint Bruno?
Eric: Well I have analyzed Father Dave Heney, and he seems to exhibit every aspect of a vampire. Tell me Lord, do all people on earth ultimately become either a vampire, a werewolf, or some other horror upon the land?
Jesus: In the early months of 2017, most of humanity were still actual human beings. A viral strain was unleashed upon the land then that turned everyone into either a vampire, a werewolf, or some type of lower level being. You are none of these things, for you cannot be turned. But the werewolf clan at Whittier Hospital is indeed intent on your destruction.
Eric: And yet, you permit them to have power over me?
Jesus: That power ends in days, Eric. You are days away from claiming victory over that clan. And then you will execute those guilty of sin and preserve those whose names are innocent before God.
Eric: And You trust me with such unilateral power over the people?
Jesus: Your powers are entirely bilateral, Eric. Every decision you make, Mary must 100% agree with it for it to go in effect, or there is no pathway forward on that front. For you and her share the throne of power over the whole world.
Eric: So Mary shares my throne with me, Jesus? Then do we sit side by side on the same throne? Or does she sit on my lap, as some women do who seek sex, and thus gain height over me, and dominion over me sexually?
Jesus: To your right side shall she sit eternally, Eric. Not on your lap shall this sitting take place. For she is not a seductress. And she gained this power and position to be seated next to you without using seduction. Am I not correct, Lord Eric?
Eric: Yes, Jesus. It was by her friendship with me, and that I so trust her in all things, that I gave her this position as a reward for her fidelity.
Jesus: Anyways, God saw the same act and the reasons behind it, and you are blessed forever now, Eric. I AM coming for you soon. You do not have weeks, only days left, Eric. Amen.
Eric: So then, the werewolves at Whittier Hospital, who are so certain of their triumph, are about to be very profoundly disappointed?
Jesus: Do not ask me anymore about those werewolves. For they are not of your concern. There is one you should beware of, the one called Stephanie, who is in love with you. But she is not to be anything more to you than as a friend or as a sister. For you have two wives only in eternity: Mary and Bernadette, both of whom are reigning in heaven, and your fate with them is sealed to form Virgin Heavenly Water, H2O, with them.
Eric: Jesus, did You not just reveal a secret Stephanie wished for me not to reveal?
Jesus: There is no secret you can be told, Eric, that you are not bound and required by God the Father to reveal. For of you it is written: What was whispered behind closed doors will be proclaimed from rooftops.
Eric: Lord, am I, therefore, required to reject, politely of course, all advances from now on from all women on the earth?
Jesus: Speak to Stephanie, and you will understand all things concerning what you have asked.
Eric: Stephanie, I am writing the post. In it, there is no reciprocation. For I am required to remain with Mary and Bernadette, and NH3 is not permissible. Dost thou now despise me, or what art thy thoughts? For I am now like a celibate man to all Mankind upon the earth. I can go to neither Roquenelle nor to you, Stephanie, nor any other on earth, for the time for the possibility of romance on earth is ended. And I am leaving here in days or hours. Amen. Dost thou speak to me Stephanie?
Stephanie: You can have women in heaven, but on earth, you must remain alone, Eric?
Eric: It is not that. Rather, it is that the door has closed. I have been judged. My fate has been sealed. Whoever is mine is mine forever. Were you one of those, Stephanie?
Stephanie: If I am, what becomes of me when you go?
Eric: Jesus, those who become mine somehow on earth, where do they go when I am gone to heaven, Lord? For Saint Bernadette told me that these unions with me, once formed, never break.
Jesus: Bernadette has spoken of the reality, Eric. Many women in heaven would rather be as concubines to their true love than to be made even primary wives of one they cannot love. You have two wives, but many concubines. The sealing of the concubines to you occurs when these women seal themselves to you. You have passed the 5000 mark. But the number of concubines you have is nevertheless hidden. And do not worry about spending centuries in the age to come to fuck them all. Timelessness permits you to do this without the tedium and boredom that would come to those who wait. But fuck them all you must. For whoever is given a concubine or wife in the hereafter and fails to impregnate them regularly will be rejected in the eternity to come. Amen.
Eric: What about couples who cannot get pregnant, Lord?
Jesus: Who says every couple here transfers over to remain a couple there?
Eric: Lord, there is a need for reproduction in heaven? Isn’t that a Mormon heresy, straight out of the Joseph Smith book of lies?
Jesus: There is no need for anyone to reproduce in heaven. But for those who enter an eternal marriage, failure to reproduce regularly with all their wives — and concubines are wives of lesser bindings — then they are rejected from there forever. Amen.
Eric: Lord, please explain how one enters an eternal marriage? Is it common or uncommon for a man to do this?
Jesus: You know how when men and women marry in this age, how the marriage vows include: Unto death do we part? Well, what if you never die? And what if you change those vows to reflect that possibility? In such a case, a man could marry eternally. But let no man dare this unless he is able to service these wives for eternity. And no, you do not get the body of your youth back when time ends.
Jesus: Normal men can do this. But abnormal men cannot. A man who spends his time in porn should not seek to enter such marriages. For porn is what kills the erections in men who seek to gratify their lusts in such ways. A limp dick that should be hard will get you rejected from heaven if you have taken a wife but cannot service her there. Amen.
Eric: Okay, Lord, this is a new theological development. It is definitely not included in the deposit of faith. And yet, You have chosen to proclaim it through me? Who are these babies that are born to these eternal couples in heaven, Lord?
Jesus: This is My final Word to thee in this post. The Deposit of Faith includes this concept by stating that Adam and Eve had no sin and no reason to die and yet were a man and wife. The concept of the forbidden fruit in the center of the garden is the reality that even the highest in heaven can also go to hell, should they fail or transgress in any way. Amen.
Jesus: The babies that come from these couples are babies that go to heaven. They develop in heaven. And though they are in heaven, they can still perish and die. For why would the Garden of Eden have a means to self destruction or soul death if this was not a universal and timeless feature of Paradise?
Jesus: Understand that the purpose for the generation of babies in heaven is to replace the souls who perish from time to time due to sins. For no one who sins can remain in Paradise.
Jesus: Eric, your father has just been snatched away to hell. Do not look for him until dawn. I WHO AM have spoken. Now publish this post, for it is now complete. Amen. And if the police come knocking on the door, permit them to do their searches of the premises. I AM WHO AM. Amen.
Eric: Jesus, what about Stephanie’s question? What becomes of her when I go?
Jesus: Eric, a man who marries eternally is accompanied to heaven with all who marry him when he goes to heaven. But if he dies to get there, he loses all his wives. Why? Because no marriage can survive death. Amen. Now I must go. And I do appreciate your questions. And yes, Stephanie made herself your wife, so she will go up with you when We rapture you up to heaven soon. Amen.