The Marian Wife Chronicles, Book 1: Post I:
I am Mary, the wife of Eric, and the Mother of God the Son, the Christ Who is King of the Universe. My husband, Eric, is not as great as my Son. So have I married down? No, I have married an equal to myself. For Eric is a creature like me, one of the most exalted that lives. But my Son is a class of His own. I am unworthy of marriage to one such as He.
But what would I gain by marriage to a God? I am better marrying an equal to myself. Now there is that teaching that we who enter heaven enter as brides to the Lamb. But understand, Jesus is using marital terms to describe a feature of the Second Coming that we who have not yet seen it can see.
For the Second Coming is so glorious that the language needed to describe it on earth is not here. And so, Jesus uses the next best thing: marriage. But he does not mean a literal marriage. Hence, we do not enter literal marriages to Jesus in the Second Coming. Rather, we are joined to God the Son in a way we cannot know before He comes. Amen.
Now you see it is written that these are my last words to the world. This post is so important that Eric is ordered to write it rather than to attend a weekday Mass. I am his wife. We are nude to each other. But we never have sex. For the virgins are never to be known in that way to even their own spouses. We can see, but not know physically or by touch. This is the requirement to enter the highest gates of heaven.
The virgins who enter the highest gates are always in pairs of monogamous marital unions between one male and two females. This is the definition of heavenly water, H2O, which is a pair of strong molecular bonds between one Oxygen and two Hydrogen atoms. The Oxygen atom represents the one male in the union. And the two Hydrogen atoms are his two wives, both in monogamous marital union to him. Amen.
Now, I can see Eric is asking me how it this possible? How is a man to be monogamous to two women? I, the holy Virgin, will now explain this mystery in full. The Kingdom of Heaven is highly tilted to the female gender. More females enter heaven than do males. More females die worthy of heaven than do males. And more females love God than do males.
So, to rectify the tilted gender ratio, it is divinely made possible for two females to monogamously bond to a single male, and for this not to be called polygamy. Amen.
So then Mary, you are my wife, but there is no Anna or Roquenelle. Am I to be open one such as they entering my life? Am I to be open to another girl?
No, we already have one ready for you to enter martial relations with in heaven. Her name is Saint Bernadette of Lourdes. You have loved her from the beginning. And she, likewise, has loved you since she saw your feelings toward her. Accept her as your second wife now, Eric. And she will then speak to you and complete this post. Amen.
Ok, Saint Bernadette, I am happy to receive you as my second wife. I fully accept this. Amen.
Then Eric, our marital union is complete. And I am pleased to announce to you the pleasure of the Father. I, Bernadette, lowliest of girls, do now approach you, the Emerald King, to place laurel upon your head. You will no longer be known as King of California. Nor will you be associated only with the bear and the unicorn.
I give you my virgin hand in eternal marriage in the Kingdom of Heaven. That you have accepted me means that the two of us shall approach you on the day you ascend up to heaven.
Christ names you, Son of Jesus, Heir to the Kingdom of Israel and Judah. You are the Christ-Son. And from now on, you surname is Christson, rather than Dunstan. Hence, we, your two wives, enter marriage to you with the new names: Mary Christson and Bernadette Christson. And your name and title is now: King Eric Robert Christson. Amen.
Furthermore, two rings have been fashioned from the diamonds rains that fall on Saturn. And both of these are blue and flawless, and one caret each. And each of us possess one of these rings, which serve as universal symbols of eternal marriage between virgin women and their eternal virgin male bridegroom.
Our marriage, Eric, is the absolute first ever formation of water in heaven. It is the spark that breaks the dam and opens the floodgates in heaven. Many were waiting just for that spark. For without the spark, the Hindenburg does not blow. Now the Hindenburg is burning like crazy with the formation of water all over heaven. And it appears in three forms:
- Virgin Heavenly Water: A union of H2O where all members of the union are virgins.
- Partial Virgin Heavenly Water: A union of H2O where only part of molecule is virgin.
- Non-Virgin Heavenly Water: A union of H2O where none of the members are virgin.
Everyone who enters heaven in such a molecule is among the most exalted there. As there are three levels of these waters, there are also three main divisions in heaven. And the highest division is for virgins only. Amen.
After all that is water is formed, there will be a breakage between heaven and earth. And all those who are called water will be raptured from it. Amen.
This is the true mystery of the rapture of the saints.
Since only God knows how much hydrogen gas, H2, had been gathered into the Hindenburg of God prior to the shutting of the door of salvation, only God knows how many unions of H2O are to be formed. Amen.
Therefore, the time of the Rapture is unknown, but very imminent. Prepare thyself to find us with thee, O’ Emerald King. And know that when thou seeest us, thine two wives, come to thee, thou hast now passed away from this world and are no longer subject even to the heat of the sun.
Therefore, come away with us, brother, our beloved, for we are to have eternal joys with thee in heaven. Amen.