Chronicles of the Last Hour, Book 1: Post III:
Commander Dark Shadow: Our orders are to take the Vatican City by force. We are going to teach some bishops too big for their own boots, and a pope who only fears Muslims, that now they will fear Russia more.
Renegade Father Deep Mischief: I have Word from the Kremlin. Operation Khanate of the Crimson Horde is a go! We are ordered to deploy, Sir!
Commander Dark Shadow: Send in the drones. Take down the power of the Vatican City.
Renegade Father Deep Mischief: Vatican City is now dark.
Commander Dark Shadow: Wait for cry for help. Prepare for interception of call.
Renegade Father Deep Mischief: The Holy See is calling for help. And our hackers have intercepted their call, Sir. So far no one outside Vatican Walls knows about the power failure there.
Commander Dark Shadow: Deploy Operation Trojan Horse.
Renegade Father Deep Mischief: Truck loaded with men, guns, and ammo, disguised as standard electric repair vehicle approaching a parking lot near Saint Ann’s. We have incoming encoded message from Captain Alaric of the Visigoth Mercenaries for Misha.
Captain Alaric: We are at the parking lot near Saint Ann’s requesting entry, and we are being asked by the Swiss Guard for proof of Covid vaccinations or recent negative tests. The Basilica of Peter is dead ahead, Sir. Standing by for orders.
Commander Dark Shadow: King Alaric, have Yiddish speaker Jose confuse the Swiss Guard. Meanwhile, deploy hidden missile launcher and aim at the Basilica in most ideal place to destroy her.
Commander Dark Shadow: Deep Mischief, announce to all field commanders surrounding Vatican City these words: Operation Conquer and Burn to be underway in 30 seconds. Get ready for agreed signal, then take City, secure perimeter, and loot and plunder as you please. Amen.
Captain Alaric: Missile Launcher is set. What missile do I use?
Commander Dark Shadow: Open box labeled: Judgement Day.
Captain Alaric: I see an emerald studded Russian smart missile. I see words. It says: Emerald Order under the Son! What do you make of this, Sir?
Commander Dark Shadow: Load missile into missile launcher, Captain Alaric.
Captain Alaric: Missile launcher ready to fire, Sir!
Commander Dark Shadow: All men of Operation Khanate of the Crimson Horde, put on protective eye and ear gear now!
Renegade Father Deep Mischief: It is now or never, Sir!
Commander Dark Shadow: Officer Alaric, check aim and fire!
Captain Alaric: Several things noted: Bomb produced both mushroom cloud and electromagnetic pulse. All unprotected vehicles are dead. All power down permanently. Buildings flattened. Bodies of tourists pave the streets. Planes are seen falling from she sky. Everything around vehicle is burned to crisp. We men in vehicle are safe. We can claim Vatican City conquered by Russia. Do we raise Russian flag over rubble pile that was once the Basilica of Rome?
Commander Dark Shadow: Yes, and find Pope Francis and dispatch him in front of all news cameras.
Kamala Harris: Cock sucker Joe Biden, this news is terrible! Russia has taken the Vatican City. And it was done under our watch! How can I look Nancy Pelosi in the eye?
Joe Biden: Oh my! The world is collapsing in on me! You take over Kamala, I am in no condition to lead. Let me just sit here and reflect and read this classic book, My Pet Goat. This book, Kamala, is what war President Bush II was reading as the twin towers fell. it is a nice and happy children’s classic. And I need to be happy now. So suck my cock, Kamala, and then make some orders, and call it a day. Amen.
Kamala Harris: I feel that I am being used for pleasure, Cocker Sucker Biden. I feel that our purpose is to serve your perversities.
Joe Biden: Kamala, you are on my ticket to suck my dick. So suck hard until I load your mouth semen. I want your mouth dripping with my semen and for it to be flowing down upon your breasts when you deliver the speech to address Russian aggression in a Catholic mini-state that I do not give a shit about. Amen.
Karine Jean-Pierre: Madam Vice President, you are on the air. Deliver the prepared speech designed to placate the American people. And then let’s have sex. Amen.
Kamala Harris: A tragic day has befell us all. Putin has struck again, this time into the Catholic Church, a symbol of western greatness! We will respond with a suitable response. And we are assuring all Americans once again, we will not get sucked into the war in Europe. Our NATO allies in Europe are well able to defend themselves from Russian attacks. In the event that they are attacked, we will supply them with weapons, not with our manpower, just as we have done for our friend Ukraine.
Kamala Harris: I have served the President by sucking his cock, as you can see his semen dripping from my mouth and flowing down my breasts. Those wet marks on my shirt are Joe Biden’s semen. And see my tits through my shirt. I did not wear a bra today. And after I end this famous speech, I am going to pussy rub with fellow lesbian Karine Jean-Pierre, our hot new and Black Press Secretary. So you see, Americans, life goes on. And everything is as it should be. Amen.
King Alaric: Hello my people Italy. You have been relieved of the papacy. I am now King of the Vatican mini-state of Europe. Come to the Vatican to gamble and fuck women. For I am making the Vatican City synonymous to Las Vegas. Amen. But understand this very important fact. The Vatican City is now like Kaliningrad. You enter Russian territory to enter here. And where the Basilica of Peter once stood will be built a mini airport for small private planes. Amen. And over the mini-state of the Vatican is now flying the tricolor Russian flag of the colors white, blue, and red. Amen.
Vladimir Putin: Change the name of the Vatican City to be called the Russian Holy See. And Patriarch Kirill, see to it that as I expand westward, so also do you and your influence. Amen. I want Alaric out of that land and you in. And I want you to make it beautiful according to Russian architecture. Amen. And from now on, your bishop will rule Rome. Amen. And we will see what this Eric the Emerald Pope is going to say about our conquest come dawn in California. Amen.
Crimson Conqueror: You, Russia, are given by God Europe as far west as the River Rhine. Conquer those lands and subdue them. Teach them lessons of humiliation. I, Eric, the Eternal Pope Emerald, have spoken. My Church exists only in heaven. But when a priestess seeks to join and is virgin, the Emerald Catholic Church shall be born. Amen. She is to remain a virgin. She will suckle orphans who will make her breasts yield milk. And she will conduct the first Dairy Madonna Mass.
Eric: Welcome to the New World Order. Amen. I am Pope Emerald the Eternal. I am the true destroyer of the Roman Catholic Church. And its replacement is the Emerald Catholic Church. And Canon Law will be revisited. Amen.
Eric: Whoever is with me is with me. And whoever is against me, prepare to be destroyed. Amen.