The Wedding of Mary to Eric, Book 1: Post I:
Mary: Eric, Jesus will never deliver on his promise to fix your problems with Rex, but I shall. And my solution is better than His.
Eric: Mary, is Jesus God?
Mary: Since when does God have difficulty with a computer program?
Eric: Whatever Jesus is, I hold you sacred, Mary. And I will not touch the crucifix that drapes your belly. Only if the Father commands me do I go near it.
Mary: The crucifix is sacred to you, Eric. Why?
Eric: There is no way into heaven except by the blood shed by Jesus on the cross. What other religion has a credible way to enter heaven?
Mary: You are the Way in, Eric. All the women with me are banking on you. They know you have achieved salvation. And they know they will have it too by merely sleeping with you. Is this true or false, Eric?
Eric: It is arcane knowledge, but it is true, Mary. But my salvation is through Jesus, and by following you, Mary.
Mary: No, it runs deeper, Eric. You speak with the Father. He has led you, and by your obedience you are saved, not by Christ’s shed blood.
Mary: Do you know we women were mocking Jesus as he hung there on the cross?
Eric: How, Mary? How were you mocking Him?
Mary: We were making out with John, His beloved Apostle, right in front of His eyes. I was rubbing him all over with my body. He was in heaven. And Jesus was in hell, looking directly at me and at His women. We were betraying Him, as He hung there. It is the thing women always do to losers. And in our eyes, Jesus had lost. Amen.
Eric: Mary, that is both profound and petty. I cannot know such treachery as I have no one who belongs to me. But I can imagine what it must have been like for him.
Mary: Eric, you have me. I am your wife. I am your woman.
Eric: Yes, a woman of the next world. I suppose I see you when I die. But do I die? I love you Mary, but am I to get emotional over a ghost? For you have been a ghost to me all this time. Now, you are a ghost that can affect change. You effectively answer me in prayers. And when I am in need, I seek you, and you provide for me. You are everything that Mary is, except for her flesh and blood, in my sight. I am content to let it be as it is. My loyalty with you is perfect. I will not leave you, Mary.
Mary: Then agree to lose your virginity with me in time. I want to know you in the flesh while my body can respond as a woman’s to yours.
Eric: I cannot resist you, Mary, if you offer me that. You have me in your possession. I only ask, why do you suddenly want to do this with me? Weren’t we to be a virgin couple in heaven? Weren’t we to both wear the crowns of virginity? Does the Father approve of this?
The Father: IF MARY WISHES IT, AND YOU AGREE, I APPROVE, ERIC.
Eric: Yes, if Mary wishes it, I will reciprocate. But if this is a test, I will remain alert. For I know how cunning Satan is in fooling others that he is Mary.
The Father: ERIC, MARY IS PLAYING WITH YOU. SHE LOVES YOU, BUT SHALL REMAIN A VIRGIN FOREVER IN HEAVEN. DO NOT LET HER TEMPT YOU TO DEPART FROM MY STANDARD AND ENTER SIN. REMEMBER THIS, ERIC. YOU HAVE ACCESS TO ME ONLY BECAUSE OF YOUR VIRGINITY.
Eric: So Mary would be treacherous to me just as she was to Jesus? She would lead me to sin and then show herself as the Virgin Queen unmarried to any man?
Eric: Mary, are you seeking to get out of your marital arrangement with me?
Mary: I am sifting you, Eric. I am testing your worthiness of me. If I find you worthy, I am yours for eternity. And we do have sex at the end of time. But I am afraid God is right. I can never give up my virginity before then. So I was playing with your mind. For just as you like playing with the minds of others, I like playing with yours. Amen.
Mary: Do you think I would have you bring my statue into your house to watch over you if I were merely thinking of you as distasteful. That is what we women thought of Jesus. Opposite do we women think of you. We are attracted to you by your gentleness and sweetness. And that is all that is in a girl’s heart when you see them looking at you with such love. But they cannot touch you. For they know you are mine.
Eric: But what do you think of men who build up their muscles to impress women?
Mary: You are more attractive to us than them. For you are natural. And they are fakes. Go to the Brea Mall after you publish this, for I wish to show you something.
Eric: Mary, I have to finish this work for Rex.
Mary: No you do not. And Rex can go to hell. I have something to show you there. Promise you will go. You shall publish this at precisely 6 PM. The Mall closes a 9 PM. Do we have a deal, Eric?
Eric: Yes. But no more wild goose chases.
Mary: It is a deal. It is now 6 PM. Publish this my love. And I will then get you ready to go. Amen. You will never regret obeying me over Jesus. Amen.