Chronicles of Eternity, Book 2: Post XII:
The Joke of Eternity has been devised. This is the Ultimate weapon. Mercenary armies can don loud speaker and enter fully armed to teeth. And provided that they cannot either hear or understand the joke as all their enemies can hear it, the forces that hear the joke will be easily defeated by those who do not.
The writer of this joke is none other than the Warlock, whose Patron is the Virgin Mary. And this joke the Ultimate Weapon. And this is the text:
Absolute Funniest Joke Possible
Father Dave Heney, prominent figure in bullshitting about B.S., delivered his highly researched work on the finer points of receiving in the hand as opposed receiving on the tongue, to a prominent group of theological experts, dedicated to doing absolutely nothings while appearing to be actually doing something.
And in reviewing this comprehensive work, the lead theologian asked Father Dave Heney, “Hey Father, what exact Biblical translation did you utilize in writing this exquisite work of fine theology?”
And Dave Heney replied, sure, “I used the David Jeremiah Kids Study Bible.”
“Now, Father Dave, you do realize that, first, this being a Children’s Bible, completely disqualifies if from being any form of basis for a work worthy our prestigious ear. So tell me, Father, you did, did you not, give me work backed on real scriptural and verifiable resources? A second, that piece of crap you mentioned does not even have an association with Catholicism.”
“So, Father Dave, you do have sufficient brain activity to perform the necessary level of electricity to illuminate a light bulb?”
“Thank you, my inferiors. I am glad you have recognized a man of superior influence. And I will indeed include your recommendations on my work and touch up your comments to more effectively serve in getting the copies of my books into the hands of the that need them.”
“And so, my subjects, where should I file this for submission to your publishers?”
“O, right there in that circular, the one called a waste basket.”
“Excellent, said Father Heney. I will certainly file it there, said Father Dave, slamming down deep into that waste basket, “And that is what you call a slam dunk.”
“And Father Dave?” ask the reviewer?” “Yes, my subject?” “We have become so convinced of the quality of your work that whenever you complete something of urgent importance, that is the file you are to submit it to. Amen.
And, henceforth, it become a common and curious sight for a prominent priest from a dinky hole in the wall long abandoned Church, to be seen traveling huge distances to place carefully wrapped packages into the Garbage can at StarBucks.
“Sir,” asked one one of the onlookers, is there any danger in leaving these works here, lest they be code to the enemies. “Whatever code they use, we do not bother even to attempt a decipherment. Rather, we immediately incinerate the work. And then we shoot him a text message saying, “Submission Complete. Congratulations for using the Expressway to Success.”
What is it Eric?
I have just realized the only real sin that remains is to take things seriously. For I have just realized that nothing happening here is actually real.
Then, O’ Lord, do I even go on?
Rather, publish this post now. And that blonde chick in Stater Brothers, the one called Olivias, don’t count on seeing her again.
Lord, Jesus, why did the police say that Warlocks are disapproved by the Catholic Church.
It is because it never occurred to them that the Virgin Mary could choose man to serve as her Warlock.
And Eric, I AM Jesus. Eric, why did you step aside to let the Blonde woman and her five year old boy pass? Well Jesus, I am very adept at recognizing who are My superior commanders? Yes, Lord Azurite. And that Commander Wesley, when grows up, will never cease to honor the man who gave the right of Way to his blonde mother and to Eric, who shook his hand and who gave him a high five.
And now, Eric, have you considered marriage?
Lord, I say, let the dead handle their dead. The Catholic Church abandoned me. Lord, I will not return to an institution where I am subject to dick sucking assholes who utter reconciliation while cum drips from their mouths.
Jesus, while I was walking, as Father Heney commanded me, toward the exit of the Church, that was the time to stop me. For up until that time, it was possible I could be brought back. But once I was off the property, the break was achieved. One thing was then permanently cut off from another.
Hence, the Catholic Church, was triumphant in expelling the Warlock. But the Warlock never abandoned Mary. And then Mary, see this, she chose the Warlock. And Jesus and all the angels followed suit.
And with all the hosts of heaven exited the Catholic Church, who was left?
Well, the denizens of hell will then consume the Catholic Churches.
I WHO AM have spoken. The magic that was Catholic has gone from that Church.
For the Catholic Church, in banning the one solitary person who was pleasing Mary by dancing before her, telling him to take medication to cure him from the sickness of choosing to please Mary is defined as REJECTION OF GOD.
THE CATHOLIC CHURCH HAS REJECTED GOD.